Friday, December 27, 2013 | 12:14 AM
Christmas this year was pretty quiet. Even our tree was (literally) scaled down:
Nonetheless, it's been a festive season with family and friends. One of the things I remember more: Grace's Christmas party on Sunday :). It was pulled off quite well, with games, carolling and a gift exchange. Haha my favourite part was the carolling because our lead musicians kept it lively. Here they are:
Libo (left) and Marcus (right). Photo taken from Grace's fb.
The former publicity head of CAPT also put her designing skills to good use, with unique carol booklets for everyone. They were so pretty!
Not to mention, her family prepared a spread for us and a friend brought Christmas cookies. Pity I don't have pictures, but all the food looked lovely and tasted good. People are what makes a party right? So I was mostly thankful for the good company and it wasn't awkward even though we weren't all familiar with each other :).
Christmas day itself was spent with my family. Mostly my siblings. After breakfast we had gift exchange, and lunch out. Here's us at lunch, the cute decorations from the log cake, and our miniature tree again:
After lunch we headed home and once back, my siblings decided to pull out the monopoly board (dust and all). I haven't played monopoly in ages and I found it nostalgic! It was quite funny and probably the most ironic monopoly game I've played. Half the time my sis and I would end up in jail and the other half of the time we were paying rent to my brother who got lucky that day. He had 2 get-out-of-jail cards and didn't use a single one -.-. At first because he didn't have our poor luck, then because he had enough property and didn't want to pay rent to other people. By this time he already owned most of the property anyway. Maybe it was the dice or something, but it was actually really easy to roll doubles and we would be like "oh no" every time we managed to get out of jail. My sis was a frequent visitor to my brother's property, houses and all. She even had the frequent visitor's free gift: a get-out-of-jail card. Not that she wanted to use it lol. It was less expensive to stay in jail. I had slightly better luck, managing to somehow miss his properties by one square many, many times. Each time I did, my brother would roll over and go "Nooooo" in frustration (we were playing on the beds in my room).
After that, we played cards for a while. And then tried watching the Nightmare Before Christmas. I say tried, because within a few minutes into the show, I was feeling sleepy and dozed off. When I woke up, I found my sis sleeping on the bed next to mine and my brother was not around. Turns out they didn't make it through the movie because they both dozed off too! Just that my brother went to his room to sleep. I think this was one of the more family-centric Christmases I've had. Usually we're doing our own thing in-between the meals together. And that was Christmas for me :) how did you spend yours?
Happy Holidays!
Labels: author: stella, family, themed entries
Sunday, November 10, 2013 | 2:46 PM
Just grabbed this from my old phone. Here are the things I listed:
1. Ride a horse
And I mean really learning how to ride one and galloping across rolling hills.
2. Have a meal on a high class train with beautiful scenery outside
Meaning with tables, white tablecloth, silver domes (yes) and silverware.
3. Waitress at high class restaurant or quaint cozy eatery
I don't know, it sounds like an interesting experience, though I know the job is tough and I'm probably too clumsy and slow. Not a very likely possibility but I'll keep it here. Maybe I'll get to do a couple of weeks' worth or something someday.
4. Open a cafe/shop/mix of shops
Mix of shops meaning those cafe-cum-retail-store or cafe-cum-bookstore type of places.
5. Study in the UK
Well, I made this list back in JC. After that, I didn't manage to get a scholarship to attend one of those UK universities that accepted me. Nevermind, I'm going next year! So this is finally one thing I can tick off my bucket list :D
6. Write a book
Too undisciplined to write one. My inspirations are sporadic and really random and all over the place. Maybe one day I'll get down to it. I will!
7. Compose a song/orchestral piece
Ok I don't have the music background for this, so maybe just a simple tune will work, haha.
8. Save a life
Don't know how, since I've never learnt first aid. But perhaps it can mean other ways of saving a person's life. Guess I'll know it when I've done it?
9. Be part of a major film production (TV series/movie)
By this I mean any part of it, like scriptwriting, or helping around the set, or whatever. I don't know, doesn't look very possible, but I think it's so cool to be part of a major production like Harry Potter.
10. Be friends with a world-famous person
I don't know how this got onto my list... but I guess it'd be cool to know someone famous? Like say, Jay Chou was my friend or something. Haha. Well this isn't gonna be something that I have to do, obviously. It'll be the people I know! Probably at least some of my friends now will be quite famous next time. But this is a silly item that doesn't really mean anything hahaha so I'm cancelling it.
11. Have a picnic/read a book on a grassy plain with beautiful scenery and peace and quiet
Preferably near a stream. With no irritating mozzies or flies. And no searing sun. Nice weather nice dress nice food nice book :D
12. Be kissed by a hot stranger with no further intimation and no strings attached
That's a really strange thing I put there. I suppose I meant a really good-looking, hot angmoh guy? But no, don't want this anymore, it's quite creepy if you think about it. Though, well, I did mention no further intimation.
13. Fine dine at a really high class/celebrity chef restaurant
Oh look, here's one thing I've done! Ate at Jamie Oliver's a few months back.
14. Meet Bae Yong Joon my idol!! And actually get to talk to him if possible... How about a hug haha oh gosh <3333 (exact phrasing)
Not so crazy about him now, or any other Korean stars but that's just because I haven't been watching the dramas. Gonna start again and then all my irrationality will start again. But yeah BYJ is my all-time favourite. His gaze alone pulls on my heartstrings.
15. Master the piano
Well, not master it exactly. I'll be happy if I can learn how to play it reasonably well, and read scores. I once learnt a few lessons from my friend, but we gradually stopped it. Various reasons, including laziness. I'd like a piano in the house but we can't afford one and there's no space.
That was back in 2009. I've probably lots of new things I want to try now, but that'll be for another post next time. Hopefully I'll get to tick off 1, 2, 5 and 11 when I'm overseas next year!
Adieu,
Labels: author: ji inn, celebrities and stars, hobbies and interests, lists, themed entries
Wednesday, November 6, 2013 | 7:21 PM
Why are we limited to only 10 things? I think I could write 10 pages worth of things to do before I kick the bucket. But here are my top 10 for the moment!
1. Visit every continent (and as many countries as possible within the continent)
To satisfy the travel junkie in me. Doesn't everyone want to travel the world?
2. 自拍自导自演 a full music video with great friends
I just think it's such great fun and a good bonding experience! It also gives you something to look back on and laugh over. This one is definitely in the works. But for now, here's an example of how we've been using instavideos!
3. Knowing animals better
Such as swimming with dolphins, seeing penguins in their natural habitat, riding horses and camels etc. And perhaps even adopting a pet when I am certain that I have the capabilities to take care of it.
4. Go on an adrenaline adventure
Hang-gliding, white water rafting, skydiving, bungee-jumping, cliff-diving, and even... hunting. I'm kinda an adrenaline junkie and I really want to experience it all!
5. Be able to lucid dream
I always wake up once I realise that I'm dreaming. But I really wanna be able to have full control of my dreams, and do wacky things like flying. Cause it will be so damn cool.
6. Take up gourmet cooking
I just want to be able to serve up good food to the people I love.
7. Have a picture taken with my favourite celebrities
Not being a greedy girl here... Any one of them will do, really.
8. Invest in the stock market
I wouldn't dabble in the stock market unless I've got enough money I'm prepared to lose, yet know my stuff well enough to not lose that amount of money. I suppose I'm just saying I wanna be rich and know how to handle my finances.
9. Figure out my 'religion'
I don't subscribe to any religion, but I've got my own ideas that I hope to work out and reconcile before this life ends...
10. Stay true to myself my whole life
Right now, I'm really proud of myself for being me. I just hope that, as we enter adulthood and take on new responsibilities, I will continue listening to my heart and staying true to myself.
#yoloswag #whyamidoingthis #gottayoloswagatleastoncebeforeidie
Labels: author: madeleine, hobbies and interests, lists, themed entries
Saturday, November 2, 2013 | 3:35 PM
Okay I'm really late for this so sorry!!
Always loved traveling, always loved getting on a plane and flying away. There's just this sense of adventure, this "yippee I'm going away for a while" feeling. Sure it can get tiring to have to keep packing your stuff. Sure it gets too cold sometimes (even if I love going in winter). But nothing brings the excitation of exploring a place down. The places I've been to: Malaysia, Indonesia, Taiwan, China, Korea, Thailand, Cambodia, England. And the following are places I'd like to visit:
Yup that's my top 5! There are still many places I'd like to visit, and next year I'll probably to heading to the UK for my third year, so really hope I get to travel around Europe! Really can't wait, but I have to start saving up!!1. Norway
Atlantic Ocean Road
Behold the renowned Atlantic Ocean Road. Best view ever, or so I've heard. Then there's also the Northern Lights, which I really want to see. Many other cool stuff like natural formations and everything, it's just so beautiful and I really wanna witness and experience these things.
No, I'm never gonna go onto that rock, though.
2. Japan
Four seasons in Japan.
I've always wanted to visit Japan! I think it's a beautiful country with a very deep culture. I think it's the one country I'd like to go to in all four seasons because there's something special for every season. Plus I studied the Japanese language for 4 years, though I've forgotten almost everything now. I really want to go, but I'm actually deathly afraid that if I'll be forced to communicate with the locals in Japanese, especially if I go with my family. So... maybe not so soon. Not until I go and revise my Jap!
3. Scotland
Castle!!
Castles, castles and castles! It's the castle that gets me every time. I've read so much about beautiful castles up north and I really really have to go see them! There used to be lots of clans in Scotland (they still exist, I think. They just don't fight clan wars anymore, I guess) and they each owned a castle. Then they'd go fight other clans and claim their castles. Or they'd marry to strengthen their power. Ah, glorious stories. And can you believe it, there are castles for sale. I want to be rich, if only to have the money to buy a castle for myself or something.
The University of Edinburgh. I can't believe I passed up their offer. ):
4. Venice
The Floating City.
Venice, oh Venice! Where there are no roads, only waterways! I think it's so romantic to be traveling on boats to get to everywhere, though I'd see how problems will ensue, ie. when you're in a hurry, or when you're dressed up nicely and you get splashed. I've heard the city is sinking... No, such a beautiful place ):
I heard it smells, too.
5. English Countryside
Yep, it's them castles again.
I've been to England on a school trip (the same one Stella went on, the same group with Madeleine - yeah we all went), and wow wow wow. Okay I didn't think London was fantastic, but I really loved the small towns and the more rural places like Lake District, and Shakespeare's birthplace Stratford-upon-Avon. I remember along a street in a town (can't remember which), there was a shop selling magical things like wands, pentagons, various herbs and stuff, and we were talking to the shop-owner about his experience with magic and the supernatural. Right there in that shop I could almost feel that everyone had the palpable urge to believe him. Such an atmosphere - you only get it in England, I guess. Everything's just more magical there.
Ever since I started reading, I've fantasized about living in the English countryside. Stories of families and houses and horses. Horses! Riding those horses over the rolling hills, picnicking beside a stream... It's my dream to live like that. Ahhh.
If I can't have a castle, can I at least get a cottage?
Yes, yes!
Happy traveling,
Labels: author: ji inn, lists, themed entries, travels
Friday, November 1, 2013 | 1:22 PM
Since young, I have always wanted to stay in UK. I grew up on a steady diet of Enid Blyton and Frances Hodgson Burnett, which made me dream of living the life they led. 4 seasons, enchanting characters and creatures, a romantic air of something about exciting and beautiful about to happen, pretty cottages, what's not to like? But I have since outgrown this notion (I think), and while UK is definitely on the list of places to visit, I've been there on a school trip before and if I really had the chance to visit the countries I wanted to, these are the ones I would pick:
1. BangkokYup and those are the top countries I want to visit! Actually almost any place could be good to visit, it depends what you find there. I think there are many interesting little corners of the world that have gone unexplored :) Even Singapore can seem like a new country when you view it with a tourist's eyes and explore the places you don't frequent.
Have always wanted to go there, ever since it become a very popular spot among friends. Mainly because of the cheap clothes, low-budget stays and pretty sights/good food/nice hotels. Okay at least that's my impression of a good trip to Bangkok! Hopefully will get to go sometime soon, either with family or friends :)
2. Sweden
When I first saw the topic for this week, funnily Sweden was the first country that came to mind.
look how pretty it is! There are some places that are so picturesque/picture-perfect it's hard to believe they are real. It was only recently I learnt that a lot of works are actually based on real things, and not invented by the writer's/artist's imagination to the extent which I had believed it to be before. Which only makes it all the more amazing you know?
Think it's such a lovely place to visit, and holds so much potential for a great experience exploring the streets and taking in the sights.
3. Norway
Norway reminds me of my first proper literature lesson at 15, and the first time I heard about Aurora Boraelis. My teacher had stayed at Norway and because there wasn't an actual lesson planned the first time we met her, she introduced us to her cats and the magic of Norway instead. It was probably the most enjoyable lesson we had that week. The literature lessons to come after were no less lovely, but for now back to Norway. Thereafter, when I think of Norway I picture a snowy night of exploration, and simultaneously, a warm, cosy home with cats. For the Aurora Boraelis, I couldn't believe such things existed, and that people actually see it as a daily occurrence. Imagine the different colours and variations you can see! And even if it's just one colour, in one shape, there are endless ways of looking at its beauty and one can simply stand beneath it, enchanted.
I took this photo from a friend's facebook because he went there for student exchange. Perfect picture of the Aurora Boraelis over the glittering lights of town.
Wherever you are, happy travelling!
Labels: author: stella, lists, themed entries, travels
Sunday, October 27, 2013 | 1:13 AM
Honestly, I'm not very well-travelled so there are a lot of countries I want to visit! Especially all the 'cool places' like Europe and Japan and USA which my parents wouldn't bring us on holidays because they've already toured those countries when they were younger. So they said we gotta explore those places ourselves. But I suppose I'm very lucky to be in Australia right now, so that's one country off the list!
Here's a list of countries I've visited, so I'm just gonna remove them from the list: Hong Kong, Malaysia, Thailand, Taiwan, England, China. It really is tough trying to narrow down my choices to just 5 countries, but here is my list for the moment.
1. South AfricaI didn't include any European countries because I couldn't choose, I want to go to every single one of them. So I decided to exclude the whole of Europe to save myself the agony of having to pick one country over the other, hahahah. I'm so keen on a graduation backpacking trip around Europe! But I guess, for now, I'm contented roadtripping around Oz. I'm thinking of a rendezvous with the rugged outback sometime soon, or at least before I graduate.
Because have you seen South Africa? I've heard that with its diversity of landscapes, it's almost easy to forget that South Africa is also a country full of problems with a capital city that is best avoided. But I can't wait to escape to the Cape to check out one of the most awe-inspiring places on the planet.
Cape Town (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Also, I think the hardworking anthropology student (hahahah not kidding) in me really wants to venture a little up North to the Kalahari Desert to interact with the bushmen.
Kalahari Desert
2. South Korea
I am so annoyed that I didn't manage to meet the cast of Running Man when they had a fanmeet in Singapore! I wanna creepily stalk Super Junior and Running Man in their hometown. I wanna get lost in train stations and ask for directions from cute Korean boys with my halfbaked Korean learnt in one semester. I wanna try my luck requesting 깎아 주세요 in the most aegyo way I can at large chain stores and smaller markets. I wanna take cheesy romantic photos at those scenic spots where dramas are filmed.
Such as Jeju Island, of course.
3. Japan
Mainly to check out the 'love industry' (all because of this video I chanced upon on Vice). I am not even kidding about this. I think having a hens night in a Tokyo host club sounds like a really good plan. Also because Japan has the coolest toilets which I absolutely need to check out for myself.
And of course, the cuisine.
4. Bhutan
Gotta love a place where Gross National Happiness, not the Gross Domestic Product, dictates the country’s policies. Bhutan costs $200 per day to stay (so that it won’t be overrun with tourists), but I'm not deterred. I just think it's really cool how Bhutan as a medieval kingdom is edging its way into the 21st century with its own version of sustainable tourism. And I really hope that a trip like this can let me learn more about Buddhism, and help me shape my own thoughts and ideas.
Inspiring, huh?
5. Maldives
Is there a need to elaborate wanting to visit the Maldives? I definitely want to be there for a very cliché honeymoon. Before it sinks. Hahahah.
I need an air ticket already.
Keen bean,
Labels: author: madeleine, hobbies and interests, lists, themed entries, travels
Monday, October 21, 2013 | 12:02 PM
If you were guaranteed an honest response to a question, what would it be and who would you ask?
I was posed this question by a classmate and felt it was quite thought-provoking. I initially had an answer in my mind the moment I was asked, but I decided to spend some more time reconsidering. In the end, though, I'm going back to my original one, which is...
What do you like and dislike about me?
asked to anyone who would want to answer - my family, friends or acquaintances.
It'd be interesting to note what qualities I have that people admire, as well as what are some of the things that push people away. At the end of my junior college years I once entertained the thought of sending out a questionnaire to my classmates asking them to share with me how they felt about me as a person, and what I could improve on. In the end, a combination of laziness and fear (of being judged) dispelled the thought.
I know it's not easy hearing about your faults from other people. After all we all want to be affirmed, we all want our friends to like us. I think it's somewhat natural to get at least a little bit offended and often defensive when people attack or critique us. That's why I think it's important to get this sort of feedback from people who actually really care about you and are only providing this feedback because they would be happy if you became a better person for it. You might wonder why "acquaintances" made it into the list. My idea is, acquaintances can develop a certain, preliminary sense of friendship and closeness, and they can likewise provide some tips on what made them attracted to you.
Still, you should keep in mind that you will never satisfy everyone and while it's great to change and work towards becoming a better person, it's likewise important to know which parts of yourself you should retain - your core values, your principles, your unique selling points. It's important to distinguish opinions and see which suggestions are the ones that would propel you forward, and which are the ones that would just suck your soul away or radically change your in-built personality.
Ask yourself: Would my best friends still like me for who I am if I change this aspect of myself? Example: someone comments that you are too loud. If you work towards a quieter disposition, your close friends might feel like you're losing a crucial part of your personality; your boisterousness may be what they love about you. Ultimately you make your own choices, and you alone decide to what degree you want to change something about yourself. And it's not like it's that easy to change so radically in a short time anyway. Most times it involves constantly reminding yourself even when (or especially when) the going gets tough. Sometimes you will totally forget about it. But that's alright, as long as you have made the commitment to improve, and come back to it time and again. Slow going is still progress made.
Another note: your friends are risking their friendship with you by telling you their true thoughts and feelings (provided they are being absolutely truthful with you). It's only fair that you open your heart and not blame them for providing not-so-positive feedback (it's the only way you can have something to work on). Instead, appreciate, and appreciate more, what they are doing for you.
Just a small request: if you're intending to help me along this self-discovery-and-improvement journey, drop me a private message instead of commenting here. At least when I become defensive the rest of the world won't see it. Haha! I kid (sort of). It's just more private. And also, I can't promise I can live up to whatever I have detailed in this post. So you come at your own risk :p
Love,
Labels: author: ji inn, themed entries, thoughts out loud, what-if
Wednesday, October 16, 2013 | 12:55 PM
I guess if I could ask a question and get an honest response, my question would be: Are you happy? It's not meant to be all emo and everything, but maybe it's because it's the question that I ask myself most often. Voluntarily or involuntarily. Sometimes I wish the little voice in my head (that's normal by the way, it's just you thinking and talking to yourself) would stop asking me about it, but at the same time I am grateful and I think it shows what I hold dear. Personally, I think people need to ask themselves that question more often.
Are you happy?
It's scary how often we think we are chasing happiness, but end up realising that the chase itself can take away our happiness and sometimes even the pot of gold at the end is dissatisfying. I never understood why people spend so much time doing things they dislike, trying to build a future they will dislike, and thinking that having a stable income and job would give them the happiness they want. It's not just a cliche, it's truth and reality. Isn't it a pity that you might die at say, 30, and find that all your life, you were just waiting for life to begin? And it never did begin.
Life's too short to do the things you do not love. There must be a balance of passion and reality, I agree, but here and now, are you happy? And if you're not, what can you do within your capacity to change it?
Satisfaction with relationships, satisfaction with work and satisfaction with yourself. If I were to give an honest response to my own question, I would say I recently realised that I'm not. I'm deeply unhappy about the things I'm doing, even though I continue to be enthusiastic about them and continue to take on things. I have withdrawn into myself more than I have ventured out to understand and know people. I find myself regretting/being upset with a lot of the decisions I've made and actions I've taken (and I've found that going out of sync with yourself is one area where unhappiness tends to begin). This semester has been rather dissatisfying. I haven't been spending my time well, nor spending it the way I should. I'm still figuring out what I'm doing.
I remember one moment in this semester, that as I saw a friend and smiled in greeting, I felt genuine happiness and I knew what genuine happiness felt like again. Not so much because of my friend or anything, but because it had been a good week. Haha actually I noticed that my good weeks are when I have spent more time with God (prayer meeting, QT) than on activities, and when I don't I tend to be more worn out/grumpy and see it as a week that wasn't well-spent. That's just a personal observation.
As for the who part of the question, I guess I would say anyone. There isn't one particular person I would want to ask (or at least not someone that I feel it is for me to ask).
Do you love God?
Around the same time that I was pondering this question, the next question was this: Do you love God? And I realise that as a Christian, this is the more important question to ask. One of the mornings when the question popped up again, "Are you happy?" I felt myself say no. And the next question, "Do you love God?" came quickly after that. The answer was yes, and because of that I was happy. Not in the sense of a sudden mood swing, but being able to say yes, I still love Him, and knowing that at least my relationship with God is right, I was happy about that. This is a happiness that stays regardless of the circumstances.
In His love,
Labels: author: stella, religion, themed entries, thoughts out loud, what-if
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 | 1:14 AM
Dear _,
I'm sorry.
We've known each other since we were toddlers, and at one point I think both of us believed we'd last a lifetime. I'm sorry for screwing that up. It's a little mean to say this but I don't miss you as much as I should, maybe because those childhood memories didn't mean so much to me. Towards you the strongest emotion I feel is regret. It was a stupid thing that caused a rift, and my stubbornness and pride that refused to mend it. Truth be told, I believed I was above you. And you let me.
Perhaps our friendship was never meant to last. How could it, with one side dominating the other? Our dynamics might have changed, or it might have remained like that for many years to come. But we would never know, because whatever we had ended so abruptly and so cleanly I never heard from you for years and years.
Despite that, you cropped up in my mind once in a while to remind me of how stupid I was to have lost such a good friend as you. Even as kids (or maybe because we were kids), you supported me in whatever way possible. Every idea of mine was a good idea, including role-playing while we were supposed to be napping, clipping ourselves with hair clips and drawing on our hands to make tattoos, building forts using our sleeping bags and suffering in the stuffy space (not to mention getting scolded by the teachers). You mentioned that your mum wanted you to hang out more with me because I was a smart kid. I was so proud of that.
We've both since moved on, growing up and experiencing life without each other. I believe you were better off without me. Maybe we were both better off for it. You didn't have to grow up having someone induce inferiority complex in you, surpassing you in academic pursuits (which were most of what everyone at that age were concerned with) every time. I didn't get to develop superiority complex from it. I'd like to believe that now, that it all happened for a reason and that it was good things ended that way for us, so you didn't have to experience a poisonous influence during those important years. But I'm left wondering if things really would have turned out this way, or if I'm just finding excuses.
I'm sorry for the could-haves and the should-haves. Shopping trips. Giggling in fitting rooms. Late night talks. Dreaming about boys. Watching out for each other. Sniffling over the phone. Watching movies. Trying to study and then slip back to talking nonsense. Doing stupid things. Going on adventures. Overseas trips. Baking cakes and cookies. Or just being there for each other throughout these formative years. We've probably done all these with others; it's a pity we didn't get to do them together.
You found me again, and now we're friends on Facebook. Or more like acquaintances, because we'll never go back to what we were. We've lost too huge a chunk in between, a chunk that determined how our lives had turned out so far. Or you can call me a coward, for not daring to intrude upon your life now and face up to what I had done. I'm glad you cared enough for me to initiate contact again, but I'm worried our lives no longer have space for each other. You seem happy, and that's enough.
I know you've forgiven me, but this is something I still can't quite forgive myself for. I guess till then, we'll remain strangers, and ex-best friends.
Love,
Labels: author: ji inn, friends and friendships, reminiscence, sadness, themed entries
Monday, October 14, 2013 | 1:28 PM
Dear D,
You never truly leave, do you? The other day, I dreamt of you, out of nowhere really. In the dream I was dialling your number, and upon waking up, I shockingly realised that even after all these years, things I thought I'd forgotten are still etched in my mind.
So I supposed it'd be fun to key your number onto my dialpad just to see if my subconscious had gotten it right. It had. The moment I punched in the numbers, I knew that it was correct because it felt so natural letting your number slip from my fingers. And being the curious little shit that I am, I decided I needed to know if you were still using this number. Cue stalker app Whatsapp. But I quickly made myself delete your contact before I do something careless or drunk like sending an unintended message.
Many times, I've entertained the idea of establishing contact again, just to check how you are doing. The thing is, I have no right to, because I was the one who initiated breaking us up in the first place. Furthermore, what point is there? You are not who you were six years ago and our friendship can never be the same again. Sometimes I want to know how you're doing and I miss you; but the truth is, I'm missing not you as who you are right now, but what we shared and what you meant to me. There is simply no point in reaching out to you again, and this is what hurts the most because why are we such strangers now? You used to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Yet you have become my only regret.
I regret making that silly suggestion that cut us up. I regret pushing you away when you tried to make things work again. I regret not trying harder for you. I never told you I was sorry for being such a brat. Maybe I should have and maybe we could have magically made up again. Now I can only beat myself up for creating an opportunity to let you go when it was never what I wanted. This experience taught me the greatest lesson of my life: to mean what I say and say what I mean; never play hard to get, never say no when you want yes, never speak of breakups easily. What a valuable lesson, I never had to lose someone this way again. But the cost of losing you still gets too much for me to bear, it's been weighing on me for six years and counting now.
Despite everything that I've said about regret, if I were to look at it from another point of view, I wouldn't trade this brokenness for anything else in the world. I miss your presence in my life more than anything, but sometimes I think your exit was necessary because you completely changed me and shaped me to become who I am today (and I kind of like who I am right now). Also, I wouldn't want my heart to be broken by anyone else but you. Just as how first kisses or virginities should be gifted to those who are worth it, I'm glad a piece of my heart was lost to you of all people.
Here is the best way to sum up all the feelings I have towards you: If I were offered only one wish, I would use it on you. Because I know I can control everything that's going on for me, but I've got no clue how I can make your life better than how I left it. So, I wish for your happiness every day of your life.
P > L + X (did, do, and always will),
Labels: author: madeleine, friends and friendships, life lessons, reminiscence, sadness, themed entries, thoughts out loud
Friday, October 11, 2013 | 12:37 AM
Hi friend,
It's been a long time since we've talked as friends, and not as acquaintances. Perhaps we will always remain acquaintances. I will miss the good friendship we had, and it's been 2 years now but it always surprises me to mark how much time has passed since then. I guess it's the abrupt way things changed and how the friendship itself feels frozen in time - untouched by the words we have exchanged, and the experiences each of us has had as we lead our separate lives.
I don't really have much to say to you, perhaps I don't even miss you per se. But I miss what we had. It was easy to open up to you, a novelty that has now become commonplace in my life. I guess I always imagined things would work themselves out, and a very very small part of me still hopes for that. But mostly we have grown up, and grown apart from one another, and that's perfectly okay.
I hope you're happy. That's mostly it - I hope you're experiencing genuine happiness amidst everything else in your life. And I hope that, by some miracle or by many experiences I will not see, God opens your eyes to Him and you know Him for yourself.
Have a good life!
Wishing you the best now and always,
Your friend,
Labels: author: stella, friends and friendships, themed entries
Sunday, October 6, 2013 | 1:24 AM
Sorry for the slightly late post this week! It's recess week and I've been rather busy, what with an outing with Stella (will post about it soon!), project meetings and salsa camp.
I've been meaning, on various occasions, to talk about my insecurities regarding my physical appearance, but I just never took the time out to really think about it and frame my thoughts properly. Also, I guess I'm still kind of afraid of saying all this out loud in a public domain. After all, these are things I'm not confident about, so obviously I would be reluctant to share. But I guess if I really want to not mind it I would have to first not mind talking about it yes? So here goes~
I don't think I'm very unattractive. I don't think I'm pretty, but sometimes when I look in the mirror (without my specs on, hahaha), I'm not really unhappy with how I look. So that's alright. What I really mind, though, are my thighs and (lack of) chest. Number 1 would be thighs, because it's hard(er) to conceal, especially for people like me who prefer wearing skirts or shorts, so my legs would seem longer (I'm not tall). I've always been very envious of girls with long and slim legs, who look good in any type of bottoms. I don't fancy the super thin ones; just the average slim would be good enough. I get it that even those girls think they have fat thighs and some tell me I'm fine. But it's not like I can't compare and see for myself. I've considered liposuction (not very seriously -- ie, haven't done the research and all), but some things just keep bugging me.
1. I am very aware of how feeling so insecure about my physical appearance is shallow and a product of society (even if it's a very entrenched one and obviously guys are more attracted to good-looking girls). I know it shouldn't be something I should be ashamed of, especially since it's probably genetic (I'm not fat elsewhere, in my opinion), and I know if I could get past this barrier I'd be a lot happier. I'm worried about how really taking the plunge to undergo plastic surgery would be conceding defeat in my struggle to attain that elusive state at which I would not mind my imperfections. I'm afraid I'd be a failure, a weak creature in my own eyes, someone who succumbed to societal pressure. In recent years I've taken steps to try to better myself and become a more positive person, and I really don't wish to admit to myself that yes, I'm a very weak person after all.
2. If a person likes me romantically in spite of the way I look, then that would be someone worthier than anyone who'd like me after I've become slimmer and prettier. And I feel hypocritical about this because I'm attracted to good-looking guys too. If I'm only interested in such guys what gives me the right to have a good-looking guy who likes me in spite of how I look? And there are just way too many other thoughts about this that don't really have a time and place here.
3. You can't run from genetics. They will appear in your offspring sooner or later. I really don't want to have to explain myself to my daughter, and to have to try and convince her that yes, fat thighs and a small chest are okay and you shouldn't care about what other people think, when her mother herself went under the knife. I want to be able to tell her, look, it does not matter and it shouldn't dictate the way you lead your life, and heck those boys, the right one will come.
4. I'm not 100% sure I can't get rid of my thigh fat through exercise. I've never been a fan of exercise, though recently I've started getting more accustomed and accepting of the idea of it. (One day I'll talk about exercise - keep reminding me!) I've read somewhere that thigh fat is especially hard to reduce, though not impossible. And it has to be coupled with at least 4 or 5 times of cardio exercise (running, swimming, dancing etc) a week. My mum believes it's not really possible since it's genetic and all. I started some thigh exercises a couple of weeks back but I've been slacking off. And the cardio plan isn't working out either... my dance classes aren't as intensive as cardio would require. And I don't run enough. I think if I'm hardworking and persistent enough I just might succeed, so lipo is the easy way out. And I don't like the idea of easy-way-outs.
Because of the above reasons, I don't think I want to undergo cosmetic surgery. Truth be told, there are good days, and there are bad days. Some days I feel all motivated and 'positive spirit-infused' and I start to believe one day I'll be free of my own shackles, while on particularly bad days I hate how I look and I detest even more how I feel so unhappy in my own skin. Now I think the struggle will always be there; I should consider it progress made if I manage to decrease the number of times and the intensity of those feelings when they surface. If on an average day I'm happy with how I look, I think I'll be fine.
I'm still struggling, and I'm still trying. Still trying to slim down, still fervently wishing I didn't care about slimming down. I wish society's definition of beauty wasn't defined this way, but then that's too much to wish for. I really admire people who truly feel confident (at least on most days) regardless of how they look or weigh, and I hope all girls can grow to feel that way someday.
All the best to my comrades out there. You're not alone. Be brave, be strong, and we'll conquer this.
Labels: author: ji inn, personal, themed entries, thoughts out loud
Wednesday, October 2, 2013 | 2:35 PM
I've never really been a big fan of cosmetic surgery, but if I could redo life I would want to take better care of my eyes from young. I remember I cried when I first learned I had to wear glasses.
When I was really young, I vowed that I would never allow myself to wear glasses. And I was quite happy in Primary 1 and 2. It never occurred to me that reading a lot of books endlessly would mean having to wear glasses one day. In P3, we had our routine health check that included the eye test. And then I learnt I had to wear glasses. And I cried, and one of my friends came to comfort me and good-naturedly said, "Aiya you read so much, of course you'll have to wear glasses!" Which I appreciated even though it didn't make me feel any better about the glasses.
I get snappish when I have to walk around without my glasses because it makes me feel very vulnerable when people can see me but they, and the rest of the world, are a blur to me. I have very brief thoughts of lasik, mainly because I feel that if I'm telling people they're pretty awesome anyway, without the dieting and cosmetic surgery etc, then I should feel comfortable in my own skin too.
Haha but now, I wouldn't do lasik even if I could and even if I didn't have these personal convictions. Because my glasses cover my eyebags, and make me look less like a panda!
Oh and maybe if I were a little taller...does that count as cosmetic surgery?
In the past I didn't really like my nose, because my dad told me that if you sneezed a lot your nose would become bigger. And one day I just happened to think it must have come true because I suddenly felt my nose looked bigger than normal, but now I'm okay with it. I think I wouldn't be me if I had any other nose.
I think compared to most girls, I'm less critical of myself and my appearances. Until people point out stuff to me and then I get more sensitive about them, but after a while I stop caring so much. I think it's more important to grow to love yourself, and your imperfections no? Like after many years, new flaws will appear or old ones will make a comeback, and it gets kind of futile. But learning to love yourself as your grow old, it's progress made you know!
Stay lovely!
Labels: author: stella, lists, themed entries, thoughts out loud, what-if
Tuesday, October 1, 2013 | 12:00 AM
"What If: Cosmetic Surgery" was meant to be something along the lines of, what if you could have any cosmetic procedures done at absolutely no cost at all. (That's the beauty, isn't it. It's easy to say you wouldn't engage the services of any surgeon if you're not willing to pay for it. But if it's free to you, why not.) So here's my list of procedures I would love to get done:
1. Chemical Peel
What chemical peel does is minimise the appearance of acne, chicken pox, and other scars. I'm most attracted to this procedure because I really want to experience having good skin for once. My teenage years were spent battling acne, and I'm still not spared from spots and oil bumps and scars now that I've left teenagehood behind. I honestly believe that chemical peel would do my face some good, and this is one cosmetic procedure that I can actually see myself forking out the money to do.
2. Eyelid Surgery
I have really small eyes, and I'd like to think that getting a double-eyelid done would make my eyes appear larger. Granted, eyelid sticker has the same effect as well, but I don't use it, and it's just more convenient if the double eyelid is permanent. Plus, it's so much easier to apply eyeliner on double eyelids, I swear. What a silly vain reason, but it's actually a legit reason why I'd wanna go for double-eyelid surgery if I could.
My slightly larger eyes from makeup = same
size as my friend who has zero eye-makeup.
3. Lasik
I know wearing circle lenses can make one's eyes look really pretty, but I'd rather not. Because, truthfully, I'm too afraid of contact lenses: Scared to put it into my eye and to remove it; And scared of infections because I am too prone to carelessness. So, lasik is another procedure that I'd pay to get done because I think it's worth it.
At parties where I'm without glasses, I am half-blind the whole time.
4. Liposuction
Everyone knows that exercise is the best way to get rid of fats, but some fats (mainly those on my arms, hips, and thighs) just seem stubborn no matter what. I would like to believe that once I've lipo-ed the fats away, I'd put in more effort to watch what I'm eating so that I wouldn't gain back all the fats.
Yep, no more bacon&cheese&beef burgers for me. Really...
Right now, I'm not feeling too bad about my choice. 3 out of 4 are going 'back-to-basics' like having baby skin, eyesight that I was born with, and a skinny me which I can find in some older photos. Only getting a double-eyelid is changing my features, but admit it, if you were offered free surgery you would do it too. However, I wouldn't wanna do drastic things like changing the shape of my eye, or inserting silicone into my nose, or getting fillers. Basically, no overhaul of my face because I want my oldest friends to still be able to recognise me. Plus, I generally like the way my face looks.
Regarding imperfections (that I cannot do much to correct): There are so many things I could be displeased with my body. Quoting Regina George, I've got man shoulders. Actually,
Karen: God. My hips are huge!Everything pretty much applies to me. Yes, including the smallest thing like hairline because I've got a heart shape face and I find it really weird when I pull all my hair back. Add in a short neck, and lack of height, I feel like a disaster. :(
Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves.
Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
Gretchen: My hairline is so weird.
Regina: My pores are huge.
Karen: My nail beds suck.
FML, right now I feel like there is nothing redeeming about my body, hahahah. Time for some Ed Sheeran's comforting lyrics and One Direction's loving gazes.
Love (endlessly),
Labels: author: madeleine, lists, themed entries, thoughts out loud, what-if
Monday, September 30, 2013 | 10:12 PM
I don't really watch TV much these days, and even when I do I don't remember the names of the cast. So everytime people mention a famous actor/actress, I always go, "Who??"
1. Jayma MaysYup and those are my few! Haha actually mainly the first 2, Cumberbatch was a bit of a stretch.
I Googled "Glee cast" then found her name in the wikipedia article. Besides the first few episodes of Season 1 and the youtube clips, I don't actually watch Glee. But I liked Jayma Mays character, and I think I fell in love with her when I saw this video:
She has a very cute accent, and isn't it adorable when she says, matter-of-factly, "And that's how I knew he loved me" because he ordered her the fried sampler or something? I remember the part where she talks about them "aging" in the movie they were acting, and how it was a profound moment for both of them in their relationship and imagining their future together. That was sweet and profound. They are awesome together! The thing I love about Jayma Mays is that she's sweet, but there's also this energy about her that makes her so lively and lovely. I would want to meet her in person for that reason!
2. Hugh Grant
I love it when people have twinkly eyes that sparkle when they smile. It's like the smile really reaches their eyes. That kind of twinkle is hard to fake, so you know they're being genuine! Hugh Grant is the actor I remember most for having that twinkly, crinkled eyes smile. And also for his natural acting.I want to meet him because the twinkly eyes and crinkly-faced smile makes him look very friendly and kindly.
It's hard to believe they're only acting and not actually in love with each other, and not acting all silly without being able to help it. I think that's the mark of a good actor - when his actions and looks are so natural that you completely buy into the story.
I remember Hugh Grant for his appearance in Love Actually because he plays the dopey-in-love part very well without overdoing it. He's silly but likeable, and still able to pull off the whole Prime Minister thing. I think Anne Hathaway and Keira Knightley are pretty talented actresses because of their versatility, and ability to bring life to any role they play and make it their own.
3. Benedict Cumberbatch
He's such a natural Sherlock Holmes that it's hard to imagine him as any other character. It's like he defines the role. With his curly hair, pale skin and a tone of voice that exudes Sherlock confidence, Benedict Cumberbatch = BBC Sherlock Holmes.
I can't say he's the guy I would have pictured when I read Sherlock Holmes stories, but I can't imagine any BBC episode without its main character. In addition to all the physical bits he carries off in his own way, he is very much in character with his cool demeanour, incisive, scornful and witty remarks, and maddening indifference to everything non-crime related (maddening to everyone else in the show, that is). The thing I like best about this Sherlock is that he is very much real because he also surprises you as a character. Which is what real people do in the world - do things out-of-character at spontaneous moments. I remember one scene where he suddenly bursts out laughing or shows an unusual burst of emotion, and I found that spontaneity and emotion so human and yet completely in character. He was Sherlock on an off-day, as the show called for, and pulling it off very well. To be "out"-of-character and still believable, that's the mark of true talent. P.S. If you think the movie is good, you should watch the BBC series. Spoiler alert: After you watch the BBC version, you'll never go back to watching the movie series with the same eyes. Lol actually I wouldn't want to meet him, but it would be cool to observe him in real life. In real life = watching him solve crimes as Sherlock (ironically).
Labels: author: stella, celebrities and stars, lists, themed entries
Saturday, September 28, 2013 | 12:15 PM
When I saw this topic only 1 person came to my mind.
 |
| This man, he ages like fine wine. |
 |
| As the rightful king in The Legend. My heart melted a little every time he appeared. By the end of the show it was a puddle. |
 |
| That body. Not too bad for an old guy (41? 42? this year, though I don't think that picture was taken recently) |
I was crazily obsessed with Bae Yong Joon in Sec 3 or 4, can't really remember. That was around the time I watched The Legend, and boy was it amazing. He was amazing. A few months after that I went to watch Winter Sonata, the film that shot him to stardom (and earned him the reputation of the auntie-killer -- to which my friends referenced when I was labelled an auntie for being crazy about him). It was a great show but I still preferred (him in) The Legend. He may not be the most handsome guy but he's too charming. And the voice. Ohh his voice. Meeting and hugging BYJ is on a bucket list I put together years ago.
Everyone else is secondary, actually. There are many stars I admire but never had the urge to want to meet them. The closest I guess would be Jay Chou, since I've actually entertained in my head the story of a girl who befriended Jay Chou and got free tickets to his show from him directly (ha, ha).
Hm, Colin Firth might be a good choice. I loved him for his role as Mr Darcy in BBC Price and Prejudice. Ooh, that demeanor.
 |
| From haughty elegance... |
 |
| To kind benevolence. |
I really loved his character. How proud he was, and how he put himself down when he realised he loved Elizabeth. How much pride he must have forsaken to confess to a girl he thought beneath him. How much courage. (Okay technically that's for Darcy, but Colin Firth embodies him so well.) My ideal Englishman. I think he's one of the reasons why I love England.
Okay that's all!
Labels: author: ji inn, celebrities and stars, themed entries
.
.
.
About Sundaescribbles
Hello there and welcome! Sundaescribbles is co-authored by 3 friends who love to write. Not only would we like to share our thoughts and ideas with one another, we also hope to entertain, inspire, and relate to our readers. Follow us on our journeys as we navigate this treacherous but wondrous new decade of our lives!Labels
Author: Ji Inn |
Author: Madeleine |
Author: StellaIntroduction | Personal | Themed Entries
Celebrities and Stars | Current Affairs | Disney | Family | Friends and Friendships | From Girl to Girl | Hobbies and Interests | How-To | Life Lessons | Lists | Love and Relationships | Reading and Books | Religion | Reminiscence | School and Schooling |Thoughts Out Loud | Travels | What-If
Archives
July 2013August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013
Ji Inn
Jean/Jeanie/Genie, a dreamer with an over-reactive heart
Ji Inn of all trades, mistress of none. Many things pique my interest but I haven't yet found my passion. I like both the arts and the sciences, and am open to everything in between and beyond. "Exploring" recently made its way into my list of hobbies.
If the thought of doing something scares me, that's when I know I have to do it. I believe in taking steps to better myself, in embracing challenges as a means of personal growth. This is a picture of me at Pulai Falls in Malaysia, taking risks and going out of my comfort zone. It turned out to be a marvelous place.
Madeleine
Mad/Maddie, studying in Perth, (falling) in love ♡This photo was captured while exploring the streets and alleys of Geraldton. I suppose it shows my enthusiasm for treading a different path and discovering the unexpected. And taking pictures with adorable graffiti. With obscene/ funny gestures (take your pick and we could either remain strangers or become friends).
On a less seemingly-nonsensical note, I love listening to marginalised voices narrating the other side of the story. (Which is why Wicked is one of my favourite musicals and my second major is Anthropology.) It opens my eyes, blows my mind, and captures my heart. Tell me your story and you might find yourself holding onto a piece of my heart.
Stella
Stella, Christian, writer, 20-year-old idealist
I like pretty photos and inspirational quotes. Words are my favourite way of communication - be it reading, writing or good conversations with people. This picture was taken at the old Bukit Timah railway. I guess it signifies journeys, and standing at the start of them. My favourite Disney song in Sec 3 was "At the Beginning" from Anastasia (a movie I love).
I have very few pictures with just me (I prefer being behind the camera haha or taking it with a friend). The little things can make my day - a smile, note or hug. You can read more on my blog at faithinbuilding.wordpress.com!