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Top 5 Countries I Want To Visit - Madeleine's
Sunday, October 27, 2013 | 1:13 AM

Honestly, I'm not very well-travelled so there are a lot of countries I want to visit! Especially all the 'cool places' like Europe and Japan and USA which my parents wouldn't bring us on holidays because they've already toured those countries when they were younger. So they said we gotta explore those places ourselves. But I suppose I'm very lucky to be in Australia right now, so that's one country off the list!

Here's a list of countries I've visited, so I'm just gonna remove them from the list: Hong Kong, Malaysia, Thailand, Taiwan, England, China. It really is tough trying to narrow down my choices to just 5 countries, but here is my list for the moment.

1. South Africa
Because have you seen South Africa? I've heard that with its diversity of landscapes, it's almost easy to forget that South Africa is also a country full of problems with a capital city that is best avoided. But I can't wait to escape to the Cape to check out one of the most awe-inspiring places on the planet.

Cape Town (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Also, I think the hardworking anthropology student (hahahah not kidding) in me really wants to venture a little up North to the Kalahari Desert to interact with the bushmen.

Kalahari Desert

2. South Korea
I am so annoyed that I didn't manage to meet the cast of Running Man when they had a fanmeet in Singapore! I wanna creepily stalk Super Junior and Running Man in their hometown. I wanna get lost in train stations and ask for directions from cute Korean boys with my halfbaked Korean learnt in one semester. I wanna try my luck requesting 깎아 주세요 in the most aegyo way I can at large chain stores and smaller markets. I wanna take cheesy romantic photos at those scenic spots where dramas are filmed.

Such as Jeju Island, of course.

3. Japan
Mainly to check out the 'love industry' (all because of this video I chanced upon on Vice). I am not even kidding about this. I think having a hens night in a Tokyo host club sounds like a really good plan. Also because Japan has the coolest toilets which I absolutely need to check out for myself.

And of course, the cuisine.

4. Bhutan
Gotta love a place where Gross National Happiness, not the Gross Domestic Product, dictates the country’s policies. Bhutan costs $200 per day to stay (so that it won’t be overrun with tourists), but I'm not deterred. I just think it's really cool how Bhutan as a medieval kingdom is edging its way into the 21st century with its own version of sustainable tourism. And I really hope that a trip like this can let me learn more about Buddhism, and help me shape my own thoughts and ideas.

Inspiring, huh?

5. Maldives
Is there a need to elaborate wanting to visit the Maldives? I definitely want to be there for a very cliché honeymoon. Before it sinks. Hahahah.

I need an air ticket already.
I didn't include any European countries because I couldn't choose, I want to go to every single one of them. So I decided to exclude the whole of Europe to save myself the agony of having to pick one country over the other, hahahah. I'm so keen on a graduation backpacking trip around Europe! But I guess, for now, I'm contented roadtripping around Oz. I'm thinking of a rendezvous with the rugged outback sometime soon, or at least before I graduate.

Keen bean,

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Afternoon Delights in Tiong Bahru
Wednesday, October 23, 2013 | 12:23 PM


Stella's
Ji Inn and I finally met up after summer break. The first thing we did was explore Tiong Bahru together!  After seeing a photo of Books Actually somewhere online, I was excited about visiting it because it looked like a cosy wonderland with its fairylights, homey decorations, and of course, rows of books. That sparked off the idea of a Tiong Bahru visit. So on the Monday of her recess week (and my free day), Ji Inn drove to NUS to pick me up and we headed to Tiong Bahru for lunch.

Our first stop: Flock's Cafe. The food was not bad, didn't really surpass our expectations but pleasant enough. We visited a few other places before deciding on that one because of pricing and food, and also because most of the other places happened to be closed on Mondays so it was a real pity.



The next place we went to was Books Actually. I loved everything from the front of the store to its deco to its variety of books. Walking into Books Actually feels like walking into someone's home because it's inviting and personal. It has a character of its own. The thought came to mind when I was browsing in one corner and found books which looked worn and yet were placed with all the other books on sale. They were large notebooks, and when I opened one it looked like a log book. Exploring Books Actually was like exploring the items in someone's home, and you almost feel a bit embarrassed to be looking into these personal items.

There was a discount of 20% if you bought 3 books, so I bought 2 while Ji Inn bought 1. We spent quite a while browsing though, and there was a section of old books that I really liked. I picked up a book called "The World's Best 100 Detective Stories Vol. X" (the centre one of the 3 red books) and wasn't sure if it was actually for sale because it didn't seem to have a price tag and all the books there were so old. The sales staff said it was though, and I briefly contemplated buying it but decided it was too expensive in the end. I have always loved reading detective stories, and the old ones have a charm of their own. They are more slow-paced and intellectual (vs the fast-paced action and cunning of contemporary Crime & Thriller novels), and feature lovely characters with odd quirks.

Reading picks of the day for me were "The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared" by Jonas Jonasson and "Freedom From Fear" by Aung San Suu Kyi. I chose the first one because it sounded like an interesting adventure. I started reading only a bit, but have to say it's pretty slow or maybe it just takes time for me to be engaged. The concept is worth thinking about though. When you're 100 years old, and nearly on the brink of death, it
doesn't really matter what you do anymore. Even going against the law. For the second one, I chose because I liked the writing style after I read a few pages. It's now with my mum though, because she was saying that she has nothing to read and she likes such political books.

We explored a few more shops after that. Wanted to visit Nana & Bird but it was closed.


Our final stop: Drips Bakery Cafe. We ordered tartlets (chocolate for me and raspberry for Ji Inn) and Ji Inn ordered a green tea latte as well. It was really good, but after the tartlets (which were a bit too filling and too sweet) we didn't feel like having anything more. When we dropped by Tiong Bahru Cafe, we took one look at the many pastries and decided we couldn't stomach the sight of any more baked goods (haha pun intended).


All in all, a good leisurely afternoon spent in the cafes and bookstores of Tiong Bahru. Most of the time was spent in Books Actually so we didn't explore much (and a lot of shops were closed), but kind of glad anyway for that time to just read and browse. 

Delighted,


Ji Inn's

My turn! Shall just add on a bit since Stella has already detailed most of the trip (thanks dear!). NUS U Town was tricky to get to because it wasn't in my GPS and I missed the turn-in the first time round. I'm kind of a road idiot (direct translation from Mandarin) so yes driving is quite bad for me. Anyway, I did manage to pick Stella up and we did get to Tiong Bahru so I guess it was okay.

At Flock's Cafe I ordered a sandwich with prawns and avocado etc. Thought the combination sounded quite interesting and yummy. It was not too bad! But a bit bland after a while I guess.


Then we popped into Books Actually and didn't pop out again until eons later. Kind of expected for 2 book-crazy girls! I didn't expect to buy books actually (oh my god unintended pun!) but Stella was already picking books which made me tempted too. Searched high and low for a good one because I didn't want to spend money on a book just for the sake of it. Finally found one called The Promise Bird, which was translated from Chinese I think. I've never really read much Asian books so I thought I'd give this a try. Plus it looks really pretty and feels nice.


Also saw this lifestyle magazine/book that was simply lovely. It was called Kinfolk, and it was pretty expensive. Went to find it online and lo and behold: the Kinfolk magazine! I was thinking about how I really admire the clean and artistic feel of the whole design, and I suddenly realised I could work on magazine designs for my Aesthetics term paper! Just an idea though. But... it'd be a great excuse to actually get the book :'D (except I'll have to go down to Tiong Bahru again...) Oh oh, the green tea latte from Drips Bakery was amazing! I think if I go back there I might order it again. Not the tarts though, they were too much ><

So that's about all from my side! It was a good mid-term trip out with Stella whom I hadn't hung out with for ages. We should do this again, and more often. Can't wait for Maddie to get back for the Dec hols. The three of us are gonna have some fun!


Enjoying the literary goodness,

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What If: An Honest Response - Ji Inn's
Monday, October 21, 2013 | 12:02 PM

If you were guaranteed an honest response to a question, what would it be and who would you ask?

I was posed this question by a classmate and felt it was quite thought-provoking. I initially had an answer in my mind the moment I was asked, but I decided to spend some more time reconsidering. In the end, though, I'm going back to my original one, which is...

What do you like and dislike about me?
asked to anyone who would want to answer - my family, friends or acquaintances.

It'd be interesting to note what qualities I have that people admire, as well as what are some of the things that push people away. At the end of my junior college years I once entertained the thought of sending out a questionnaire to my classmates asking them to share with me how they felt about me as a person, and what I could improve on. In the end, a combination of laziness and fear (of being judged) dispelled the thought.

I know it's not easy hearing about your faults from other people. After all we all want to be affirmed, we all want our friends to like us. I think it's somewhat natural to get at least a little bit offended and often defensive when people attack or critique us. That's why I think it's important to get this sort of feedback from people who actually really care about you and are only providing this feedback because they would be happy if you became a better person for it. You might wonder why "acquaintances" made it into the list. My idea is, acquaintances can develop a certain, preliminary sense of friendship and closeness, and they can likewise provide some tips on what made them attracted to you.

Still, you should keep in mind that you will never satisfy everyone and while it's great to change and work towards becoming a better person, it's likewise important to know which parts of yourself you should retain - your core values, your principles, your unique selling points. It's important to distinguish opinions and see which suggestions are the ones that would propel you forward, and which are the ones that would just suck your soul away or radically change your in-built personality.

Ask yourself: Would my best friends still like me for who I am if I change this aspect of myself? Example: someone comments that you are too loud. If you work towards a quieter disposition, your close friends might feel like you're losing a crucial part of your personality; your boisterousness may be what they love about you. Ultimately you make your own choices, and you alone decide to what degree you want to change something about yourself. And it's not like it's that easy to change so radically in a short time anyway. Most times it involves constantly reminding yourself even when (or especially when) the going gets tough. Sometimes you will totally forget about it. But that's alright, as long as you have made the commitment to improve, and come back to it time and again. Slow going is still progress made.

Another note: your friends are risking their friendship with you by telling you their true thoughts and feelings (provided they are being absolutely truthful with you). It's only fair that you open your heart and not blame them for providing not-so-positive feedback (it's the only way you can have something to work on). Instead, appreciate, and appreciate more, what they are doing for you.

Just a small request: if you're intending to help me along this self-discovery-and-improvement journey, drop me a private message instead of commenting here. At least when I become defensive the rest of the world won't see it. Haha! I kid (sort of). It's just more private. And also, I can't promise I can live up to whatever I have detailed in this post. So you come at your own risk :p


Love,

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What If: An Honest Response - Madeleine's
Thursday, October 17, 2013 | 9:44 PM

If you were guaranteed an honest response to a question, what would it be and who would you ask?

I like that this question presupposes that we can be directing our questions to anyone at all, because the person I'd like to speak to the most can only be D (from the previous entry) whom I have close to zero chance of communication with.

My question for him would be, did he ever love me at all?

I know what we shared wasn't romantic; I have never felt physical or sexual attraction towards him, and he never displayed anything other than brotherly love for me. He was the only person I knew how to love so simply and innocently. And I'd like to think he felt the same affection for me too. Why else would he have spent so many nights up studying together and cheering me on? Why else would he make a mutual friend take care of me when he couldn't be there to cheer me up? Why else would he have called me his best friend and made me feel so special?

十万个为什么。Pardon my language in my private blog.

I just can't accept it when he said he had never loved me at all. You don't remember every person's number by heart and call them using someone else's phone when your phone runs out of battery. You don't send every girl home for the extended company. You don't tell someone you love them. And let them believe it. And later tell them "I'm sorry for the reckless words I didn't mean".

Ultimately, I guess what I want out of this is for him to be honest more for himself, and for my closure. When I was 15, I dated a guy for a couple of months and it was the sweetest puppy love ever, although it fizzled out pretty quickly. But what I really appreciated was the guy telling me that even though it didn't last, he did have genuine feelings towards me. It's just nice to be reassured that all of it was real, even if things couldn't work out.

And I just don't understand...



OKAY THIS IS ALL BYE SORRY. :(

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What If: An Honest Response - Stella's
Wednesday, October 16, 2013 | 12:55 PM

I guess if I could ask a question and get an honest response, my question would be: Are you happy? It's not meant to be all emo and everything, but maybe it's because it's the question that I ask myself most often. Voluntarily or involuntarily. Sometimes I wish the little voice in my head (that's normal by the way, it's just you thinking and talking to yourself) would stop asking me about it, but at the same time I am grateful and I think it shows what I hold dear. Personally, I think people need to ask themselves that question more often.

Are you happy? 
It's scary how often we think we are chasing happiness, but end up realising that the chase itself can take away our happiness and sometimes even the pot of gold at the end is dissatisfying. I never understood why people spend so much time doing things they dislike, trying to build a future they will dislike, and thinking that having a stable income and job would give them the happiness they want. It's not just a cliche, it's truth and reality. Isn't it a pity that you might die at say, 30, and find that all your life, you were just waiting for life to begin? And it never did begin.

Life's too short to do the things you do not love. There must be a balance of passion and reality, I agree, but here and now, are you happy? And if you're not, what can you do within your capacity to change it?

Satisfaction with relationships, satisfaction with work and satisfaction with yourself. If I were to give an honest response to my own question, I would say I recently realised that I'm not. I'm deeply unhappy about the things I'm doing, even though I continue to be enthusiastic about them and continue to take on things. I have withdrawn into myself more than I have ventured out to understand and know people. I find myself regretting/being upset with a lot of the decisions I've made and actions I've taken (and I've found that going out of sync with yourself is one area where unhappiness tends to begin). This semester has been rather dissatisfying. I haven't been spending my time well, nor spending it the way I should. I'm still figuring out what I'm doing.  

I remember one moment in this semester, that as I saw a friend and smiled in greeting, I felt genuine happiness and I knew what genuine happiness felt like again. Not so much because of my friend or anything, but because it had been a good week. Haha actually I noticed that my good weeks are when I have spent more time with God (prayer meeting, QT) than on activities, and when I don't I tend to be more worn out/grumpy and see it as a week that wasn't well-spent. That's just a personal observation. 

As for the who part of the question, I guess I would say anyone. There isn't one particular person I would want to ask (or at least not someone that I feel it is for me to ask).

Do you love God?
Around the same time that I was pondering this question, the next question was this: Do you love God? And I realise that as a Christian, this is the more important question to ask. One of the mornings when the question popped up again, "Are you happy?" I felt myself say no. And the next question, "Do you love God?" came quickly after that. The answer was yes, and because of that I was happy. Not in the sense of a sudden mood swing, but being able to say yes, I still love Him, and knowing that at least my relationship with God is right, I was happy about that. This is a happiness that stays regardless of the circumstances. 

In His love,

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To The Person I Miss the Most - Ji Inn's
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 | 1:14 AM

Dear _,

I'm sorry.

We've known each other since we were toddlers, and at one point I think both of us believed we'd last a lifetime. I'm sorry for screwing that up. It's a little mean to say this but I don't miss you as much as I should, maybe because those childhood memories didn't mean so much to me. Towards you the strongest emotion I feel is regret. It was a stupid thing that caused a rift, and my stubbornness and pride that refused to mend it. Truth be told, I believed I was above you. And you let me.

Perhaps our friendship was never meant to last. How could it, with one side dominating the other? Our dynamics might have changed, or it might have remained like that for many years to come. But we would never know, because whatever we had ended so abruptly and so cleanly I never heard from you for years and years.

Despite that, you cropped up in my mind once in a while to remind me of how stupid I was to have lost such a good friend as you. Even as kids (or maybe because we were kids), you supported me in whatever way possible. Every idea of mine was a good idea, including role-playing while we were supposed to be napping, clipping ourselves with hair clips and drawing on our hands to make tattoos, building forts using our sleeping bags and suffering in the stuffy space (not to mention getting scolded by the teachers). You mentioned that your mum wanted you to hang out more with me because I was a smart kid. I was so proud of that.

We've both since moved on, growing up and experiencing life without each other. I believe you were better off without me. Maybe we were both better off for it. You didn't have to grow up having someone induce inferiority complex in you, surpassing you in academic pursuits (which were most of what everyone at that age were concerned with) every time. I didn't get to develop superiority complex from it. I'd like to believe that now, that it all happened for a reason and that it was good things ended that way for us, so you didn't have to experience a poisonous influence during those important years. But I'm left wondering if things really would have turned out this way, or if I'm just finding excuses.

I'm sorry for the could-haves and the should-haves. Shopping trips. Giggling in fitting rooms. Late night talks. Dreaming about boys. Watching out for each other. Sniffling over the phone. Watching movies. Trying to study and then slip back to talking nonsense. Doing stupid things. Going on adventures. Overseas trips. Baking cakes and cookies. Or just being there for each other throughout these formative years. We've probably done all these with others; it's a pity we didn't get to do them together.

You found me again, and now we're friends on Facebook. Or more like acquaintances, because we'll never go back to what we were. We've lost too huge a chunk in between, a chunk that determined how our lives had turned out so far. Or you can call me a coward, for not daring to intrude upon your life now and face up to what I had done. I'm glad you cared enough for me to initiate contact again, but I'm worried our lives no longer have space for each other. You seem happy, and that's enough.

I know you've forgiven me, but this is something I still can't quite forgive myself for. I guess till then, we'll remain strangers, and ex-best friends.


Love,

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To The Person I Miss The Most - Madeleine's
Monday, October 14, 2013 | 1:28 PM

Dear D,

You never truly leave, do you? The other day, I dreamt of you, out of nowhere really. In the dream I was dialling your number, and upon waking up, I shockingly realised that even after all these years, things I thought I'd forgotten are still etched in my mind.

So I supposed it'd be fun to key your number onto my dialpad just to see if my subconscious had gotten it right. It had. The moment I punched in the numbers, I knew that it was correct because it felt so natural letting your number slip from my fingers. And being the curious little shit that I am, I decided I needed to know if you were still using this number. Cue stalker app Whatsapp. But I quickly made myself delete your contact before I do something careless or drunk like sending an unintended message.

Many times, I've entertained the idea of establishing contact again, just to check how you are doing. The thing is, I have no right to, because I was the one who initiated breaking us up in the first place. Furthermore, what point is there? You are not who you were six years ago and our friendship can never be the same again. Sometimes I want to know how you're doing and I miss you; but the truth is, I'm missing not you as who you are right now, but what we shared and what you meant to me. There is simply no point in reaching out to you again, and this is what hurts the most because why are we such strangers now? You used to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Yet you have become my only regret.

I regret making that silly suggestion that cut us up. I regret pushing you away when you tried to make things work again. I regret not trying harder for you. I never told you I was sorry for being such a brat. Maybe I should have and maybe we could have magically made up again. Now I can only beat myself up for creating an opportunity to let you go when it was never what I wanted. This experience taught me the greatest lesson of my life: to mean what I say and say what I mean; never play hard to get, never say no when you want yes, never speak of breakups easily. What a valuable lesson, I never had to lose someone this way again. But the cost of losing you still gets too much for me to bear, it's been weighing on me for six years and counting now.

Despite everything that I've said about regret, if I were to look at it from another point of view, I wouldn't trade this brokenness for anything else in the world. I miss your presence in my life more than anything, but sometimes I think your exit was necessary because you completely changed me and shaped me to become who I am today (and I kind of like who I am right now). Also, I wouldn't want my heart to be broken by anyone else but you. Just as how first kisses or virginities should be gifted to those who are worth it, I'm glad a piece of my heart was lost to you of all people.

Here is the best way to sum up all the feelings I have towards you: If I were offered only one wish, I would use it on you. Because I know I can control everything that's going on for me, but I've got no clue how I can make your life better than how I left it. So, I wish for your happiness every day of your life.

P > L + X (did, do, and always will),

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To the Person I Miss the Most - Stella's
Friday, October 11, 2013 | 12:37 AM

Hi friend,

     It's been a long time since we've talked as friends, and not as acquaintances. Perhaps we will always remain acquaintances. I will miss the good friendship we had, and it's been 2 years now but it always surprises me to mark how much time has passed since then. I guess it's the abrupt way things changed and how the friendship itself feels frozen in time - untouched by the words we have exchanged, and the experiences each of us has had as we lead our separate lives.

     I don't really have much to say to you, perhaps I don't even miss you per se. But I miss what we had. It was easy to open up to you, a novelty that has now become commonplace in my life. I guess I always imagined things would work themselves out, and a very very small part of me still hopes for that. But mostly we have grown up, and grown apart from one another, and that's perfectly okay.

     I hope you're happy. That's mostly it - I hope you're experiencing genuine happiness amidst everything else in your life. And I hope that, by some miracle or by many experiences I will not see, God opens your eyes to Him and you know Him for yourself.

Have a good life!

Wishing you the best now and always,
Your friend,

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Imperfections and Insecurities
Sunday, October 6, 2013 | 1:24 AM

Sorry for the slightly late post this week! It's recess week and I've been rather busy, what with an outing with Stella (will post about it soon!), project meetings and salsa camp.

I've been meaning, on various occasions, to talk about my insecurities regarding my physical appearance, but I just never took the time out to really think about it and frame my thoughts properly. Also, I guess I'm still kind of afraid of saying all this out loud in a public domain. After all, these are things I'm not confident about, so obviously I would be reluctant to share. But I guess if I really want to not mind it I would have to first not mind talking about it yes? So here goes~

I don't think I'm very unattractive. I don't think I'm pretty, but sometimes when I look in the mirror (without my specs on, hahaha), I'm not really unhappy with how I look. So that's alright. What I really mind, though, are my thighs and (lack of) chest. Number 1 would be thighs, because it's hard(er) to conceal, especially for people like me who prefer wearing skirts or shorts, so my legs would seem longer (I'm not tall). I've always been very envious of girls with long and slim legs, who look good in any type of bottoms. I don't fancy the super thin ones; just the average slim would be good enough. I get it that even those girls think they have fat thighs and some tell me I'm fine. But it's not like I can't compare and see for myself. I've considered liposuction (not very seriously -- ie, haven't done the research and all), but some things just keep bugging me.

1. I am very aware of how feeling so insecure about my physical appearance is shallow and a product of society (even if it's a very entrenched one and obviously guys are more attracted to good-looking girls). I know it shouldn't be something I should be ashamed of, especially since it's probably genetic (I'm not fat elsewhere, in my opinion), and I know if I could get past this barrier I'd be a lot happier. I'm worried about how really taking the plunge to undergo plastic surgery would be conceding defeat in my struggle to attain that elusive state at which I would not mind my imperfections. I'm afraid I'd be a failure, a weak creature in my own eyes, someone who succumbed to societal pressure. In recent years I've taken steps to try to better myself and become a more positive person, and I really don't wish to admit to myself that yes, I'm a very weak person after all.

2. If a person likes me romantically in spite of the way I look, then that would be someone worthier than anyone who'd like me after I've become slimmer and prettier. And I feel hypocritical about this because I'm attracted to good-looking guys too. If I'm only interested in such guys what gives me the right to have a good-looking guy who likes me in spite of how I look? And there are just way too many other thoughts about this that don't really have a time and place here.

3. You can't run from genetics. They will appear in your offspring sooner or later. I really don't want to have to explain myself to my daughter, and to have to try and convince her that yes, fat thighs and a small chest are okay and you shouldn't care about what other people think, when her mother herself went under the knife. I want to be able to tell her, look, it does not matter and it shouldn't dictate the way you lead your life, and heck those boys, the right one will come.

4. I'm not 100% sure I can't get rid of my thigh fat through exercise. I've never been a fan of exercise, though recently I've started getting more accustomed and accepting of the idea of it. (One day I'll talk about exercise - keep reminding me!) I've read somewhere that thigh fat is especially hard to reduce, though not impossible. And it has to be coupled with at least 4 or 5 times of cardio exercise (running, swimming, dancing etc) a week. My mum believes it's not really possible since it's genetic and all. I started some thigh exercises a couple of weeks back but I've been slacking off. And the cardio plan isn't working out either... my dance classes aren't as intensive as cardio would require. And I don't run enough. I think if I'm hardworking and persistent enough I just might succeed, so lipo is the easy way out. And I don't like the idea of easy-way-outs. 

Because of the above reasons, I don't think I want to undergo cosmetic surgery. Truth be told, there are good days, and there are bad days. Some days I feel all motivated and 'positive spirit-infused' and I start to believe one day I'll be free of my own shackles, while on particularly bad days I hate how I look and I detest even more how I feel so unhappy in my own skin. Now I think the struggle will always be there; I should consider it progress made if I manage to decrease the number of times and the intensity of those feelings when they surface. If on an average day I'm happy with how I look, I think I'll be fine.

I'm still struggling, and I'm still trying. Still trying to slim down, still fervently wishing I didn't care about slimming down. I wish society's definition of beauty wasn't defined this way, but then that's too much to wish for. I really admire people who truly feel confident (at least on most days) regardless of how they look or weigh, and I hope all girls can grow to feel that way someday.

All the best to my comrades out there. You're not alone. Be brave, be strong, and we'll conquer this.

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Why So Adorable
Thursday, October 3, 2013 | 9:54 AM

This is why I love the bromance between McKellen and Stewart, whether they are on-screen or off-screen. Apart from McKellen officiating Stewart's recent wedding, here's what they've been up to:

Roaming the streets of Times Square

Loving the touristy shots!

In typical teenage BFF fashion.

They are such riots okay my heart cannot take this anymore.

What adorable old men, really. If only I could have a picture taken with them!

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Imperfections/ What If: Cosmetic Surgery - Stella's
Wednesday, October 2, 2013 | 2:35 PM

I've never really been a big fan of cosmetic surgery, but if I could redo life I would want to take better care of my eyes from young. I remember I cried when I first learned I had to wear glasses.

When I was really young, I vowed that I would never allow myself to wear glasses. And I was quite happy in Primary 1 and 2. It never occurred to me that reading a lot of books endlessly would mean having to wear glasses one day. In P3, we had our routine health check that included the eye test. And then I learnt I had to wear glasses. And I cried, and one of my friends came to comfort me and good-naturedly said, "Aiya you read so much, of course you'll have to wear glasses!" Which I appreciated even though it didn't make me feel any better about the glasses.

I get snappish when I have to walk around without my glasses because it makes me feel very vulnerable when people can see me but they, and the rest of the world, are a blur to me. I have very brief thoughts of lasik, mainly because I feel that if I'm telling people they're pretty awesome anyway, without the dieting and cosmetic surgery etc, then I should feel comfortable in my own skin too.

Haha but now, I wouldn't do lasik even if I could and even if I didn't have these personal convictions. Because my glasses cover my eyebags, and make me look less like a panda!

Oh and maybe if I were a little taller...does that count as cosmetic surgery?

In the past I didn't really like my nose, because my dad told me that if you sneezed a lot your nose would become bigger. And one day I just happened to think it must have come true because I suddenly felt my nose looked bigger than normal, but now I'm okay with it. I think I wouldn't be me if I had any other nose.

I think compared to most girls, I'm less critical of myself and my appearances. Until people point out stuff to me and then I get more sensitive about them, but after a while I stop caring so much. I think it's more important to grow to love yourself, and your imperfections no? Like after many years, new flaws will appear or old ones will make a comeback, and it gets kind of futile. But learning to love yourself as your grow old, it's progress made you know!

Stay lovely!

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Imperfections/ What If: Cosmetic Surgery - Maddie's
Tuesday, October 1, 2013 | 12:00 AM

"What If: Cosmetic Surgery" was meant to be something along the lines of, what if you could have any cosmetic procedures done at absolutely no cost at all. (That's the beauty, isn't it. It's easy to say you wouldn't engage the services of any surgeon if you're not willing to pay for it. But if it's free to you, why not.) So here's my list of procedures I would love to get done:

1. Chemical Peel

What chemical peel does is minimise the appearance of acne, chicken pox, and other scars. I'm most attracted to this procedure because I really want to experience having good skin for once. My teenage years were spent battling acne, and I'm still not spared from spots and oil bumps and scars now that I've left teenagehood behind. I honestly believe that chemical peel would do my face some good, and this is one cosmetic procedure that I can actually see myself forking out the money to do.

2. Eyelid Surgery

I have really small eyes, and I'd like to think that getting a double-eyelid done would make my eyes appear larger. Granted, eyelid sticker has the same effect as well, but I don't use it, and it's just more convenient if the double eyelid is permanent. Plus, it's so much easier to apply eyeliner on double eyelids, I swear. What a silly vain reason, but it's actually a legit reason why I'd wanna go for double-eyelid surgery if I could.

My slightly larger eyes from makeup = same
size as my friend who has zero eye-makeup.

3. Lasik

I know wearing circle lenses can make one's eyes look really pretty, but I'd rather not. Because, truthfully, I'm too afraid of contact lenses: Scared to put it into my eye and to remove it; And scared of infections because I am too prone to carelessness. So, lasik is another procedure that I'd pay to get done because I think it's worth it.

At parties where I'm without glasses, I am half-blind the whole time.

4. Liposuction

Everyone knows that exercise is the best way to get rid of fats, but some fats (mainly those on my arms, hips, and thighs) just seem stubborn no matter what. I would like to believe that once I've lipo-ed the fats away, I'd put in more effort to watch what I'm eating so that I wouldn't gain back all the fats.

Yep, no more bacon&cheese&beef burgers for me. Really...

Right now, I'm not feeling too bad about my choice. 3 out of 4 are going 'back-to-basics' like having baby skin, eyesight that I was born with, and a skinny me which I can find in some older photos. Only getting a double-eyelid is changing my features, but admit it, if you were offered free surgery you would do it too. However, I wouldn't wanna do drastic things like changing the shape of my eye, or inserting silicone into my nose, or getting fillers. Basically, no overhaul of my face because I want my oldest friends to still be able to recognise me. Plus, I generally like the way my face looks.

Regarding imperfections (that I cannot do much to correct): There are so many things I could be displeased with my body. Quoting Regina George, I've got man shoulders. Actually,
Karen: God. My hips are huge!
Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves.
Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
Gretchen: My hairline is so weird.
Regina: My pores are huge.
Karen: My nail beds suck.
Everything pretty much applies to me. Yes, including the smallest thing like hairline because I've got a heart shape face and I find it really weird when I pull all my hair back. Add in a short neck, and lack of height, I feel like a disaster. :(

FML, right now I feel like there is nothing redeeming about my body, hahahah. Time for some Ed Sheeran's comforting lyrics and One Direction's loving gazes.


Love (endlessly),

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