If you were guaranteed an honest response to a question, what would it be and who would you ask?

I was posed this question by a classmate and felt it was quite thought-provoking. I initially had an answer in my mind the moment I was asked, but I decided to spend some more time reconsidering. In the end, though, I'm going back to my original one, which is...

What do you like and dislike about me?
asked to anyone who would want to answer - my family, friends or acquaintances.

It'd be interesting to note what qualities I have that people admire, as well as what are some of the things that push people away. At the end of my junior college years I once entertained the thought of sending out a questionnaire to my classmates asking them to share with me how they felt about me as a person, and what I could improve on. In the end, a combination of laziness and fear (of being judged) dispelled the thought.

I know it's not easy hearing about your faults from other people. After all we all want to be affirmed, we all want our friends to like us. I think it's somewhat natural to get at least a little bit offended and often defensive when people attack or critique us. That's why I think it's important to get this sort of feedback from people who actually really care about you and are only providing this feedback because they would be happy if you became a better person for it. You might wonder why "acquaintances" made it into the list. My idea is, acquaintances can develop a certain, preliminary sense of friendship and closeness, and they can likewise provide some tips on what made them attracted to you.

Still, you should keep in mind that you will never satisfy everyone and while it's great to change and work towards becoming a better person, it's likewise important to know which parts of yourself you should retain - your core values, your principles, your unique selling points. It's important to distinguish opinions and see which suggestions are the ones that would propel you forward, and which are the ones that would just suck your soul away or radically change your in-built personality.

Ask yourself: Would my best friends still like me for who I am if I change this aspect of myself? Example: someone comments that you are too loud. If you work towards a quieter disposition, your close friends might feel like you're losing a crucial part of your personality; your boisterousness may be what they love about you. Ultimately you make your own choices, and you alone decide to what degree you want to change something about yourself. And it's not like it's that easy to change so radically in a short time anyway. Most times it involves constantly reminding yourself even when (or especially when) the going gets tough. Sometimes you will totally forget about it. But that's alright, as long as you have made the commitment to improve, and come back to it time and again. Slow going is still progress made.

Another note: your friends are risking their friendship with you by telling you their true thoughts and feelings (provided they are being absolutely truthful with you). It's only fair that you open your heart and not blame them for providing not-so-positive feedback (it's the only way you can have something to work on). Instead, appreciate, and appreciate more, what they are doing for you.

Just a small request: if you're intending to help me along this self-discovery-and-improvement journey, drop me a private message instead of commenting here. At least when I become defensive the rest of the world won't see it. Haha! I kid (sort of). It's just more private. And also, I can't promise I can live up to whatever I have detailed in this post. So you come at your own risk :p


Love,

Labels: author: ji inn, themed entries, thoughts out loud, what-if