If you were guaranteed an honest response to a question, what would it be and who would you ask?

I like that this question presupposes that we can be directing our questions to anyone at all, because the person I'd like to speak to the most can only be D (from the previous entry) whom I have close to zero chance of communication with.

My question for him would be, did he ever love me at all?

I know what we shared wasn't romantic; I have never felt physical or sexual attraction towards him, and he never displayed anything other than brotherly love for me. He was the only person I knew how to love so simply and innocently. And I'd like to think he felt the same affection for me too. Why else would he have spent so many nights up studying together and cheering me on? Why else would he make a mutual friend take care of me when he couldn't be there to cheer me up? Why else would he have called me his best friend and made me feel so special?

十万个为什么。Pardon my language in my private blog.

I just can't accept it when he said he had never loved me at all. You don't remember every person's number by heart and call them using someone else's phone when your phone runs out of battery. You don't send every girl home for the extended company. You don't tell someone you love them. And let them believe it. And later tell them "I'm sorry for the reckless words I didn't mean".

Ultimately, I guess what I want out of this is for him to be honest more for himself, and for my closure. When I was 15, I dated a guy for a couple of months and it was the sweetest puppy love ever, although it fizzled out pretty quickly. But what I really appreciated was the guy telling me that even though it didn't last, he did have genuine feelings towards me. It's just nice to be reassured that all of it was real, even if things couldn't work out.

And I just don't understand...



OKAY THIS IS ALL BYE SORRY. :(

Labels: author: madeleine, friends and friendships, reminiscence, sadness, what-if