I guess if I could ask a question and get an honest response, my question would be: Are you happy? It's not meant to be all emo and everything, but maybe it's because it's the question that I ask myself most often. Voluntarily or involuntarily. Sometimes I wish the little voice in my head (that's normal by the way, it's just you thinking and talking to yourself) would stop asking me about it, but at the same time I am grateful and I think it shows what I hold dear. Personally, I think people need to ask themselves that question more often.

Are you happy? 
It's scary how often we think we are chasing happiness, but end up realising that the chase itself can take away our happiness and sometimes even the pot of gold at the end is dissatisfying. I never understood why people spend so much time doing things they dislike, trying to build a future they will dislike, and thinking that having a stable income and job would give them the happiness they want. It's not just a cliche, it's truth and reality. Isn't it a pity that you might die at say, 30, and find that all your life, you were just waiting for life to begin? And it never did begin.

Life's too short to do the things you do not love. There must be a balance of passion and reality, I agree, but here and now, are you happy? And if you're not, what can you do within your capacity to change it?

Satisfaction with relationships, satisfaction with work and satisfaction with yourself. If I were to give an honest response to my own question, I would say I recently realised that I'm not. I'm deeply unhappy about the things I'm doing, even though I continue to be enthusiastic about them and continue to take on things. I have withdrawn into myself more than I have ventured out to understand and know people. I find myself regretting/being upset with a lot of the decisions I've made and actions I've taken (and I've found that going out of sync with yourself is one area where unhappiness tends to begin). This semester has been rather dissatisfying. I haven't been spending my time well, nor spending it the way I should. I'm still figuring out what I'm doing.  

I remember one moment in this semester, that as I saw a friend and smiled in greeting, I felt genuine happiness and I knew what genuine happiness felt like again. Not so much because of my friend or anything, but because it had been a good week. Haha actually I noticed that my good weeks are when I have spent more time with God (prayer meeting, QT) than on activities, and when I don't I tend to be more worn out/grumpy and see it as a week that wasn't well-spent. That's just a personal observation. 

As for the who part of the question, I guess I would say anyone. There isn't one particular person I would want to ask (or at least not someone that I feel it is for me to ask).

Do you love God?
Around the same time that I was pondering this question, the next question was this: Do you love God? And I realise that as a Christian, this is the more important question to ask. One of the mornings when the question popped up again, "Are you happy?" I felt myself say no. And the next question, "Do you love God?" came quickly after that. The answer was yes, and because of that I was happy. Not in the sense of a sudden mood swing, but being able to say yes, I still love Him, and knowing that at least my relationship with God is right, I was happy about that. This is a happiness that stays regardless of the circumstances. 

In His love,

Labels: author: stella, religion, themed entries, thoughts out loud, what-if