1. Smokers and/or drug-abusers and/or heavy drinkers and/or physical/emotional abusers

Smoking's just really bad for you and me and everyone else. I don't want to have to breathe in all the secondhand smoke when we're together. Also, think about the kids! I don't think smoking's cool, anyway. Social smokers... not so bad but still preferably not (and my parents would never allow it).

Drug-abusers are an obvious no-no.

Drinkers - a little bit, social drinking is fine. But if you're the kind that starts doing weird stuff and spouting nonsense when you're drunk, and you're easily drunk, then you still keep getting drunk, then no.

And obviously I don't want to be abused, physically or emotionally or otherwise. Playful (SOFT) punches and the like are fine, of course. But don't pinch me. Will get bruises.

2. Liars (and by association, Cheaters)

Tiny little white lies to protect me are fine, but "i'm just going out for a drink with some buddies" when in fact you're hanging out with another girl alone, nope. I hope I'm not being too possessive or what over here, but if you're going out with someone else and you find it necessary to lie to me, that must mean there's something going on, right? I appreciate honesty. And I'll try not to restrict who you hang out with too much.

Cheaters - pretty much obvious. I'll never be able to stand you touching me again if I know you've touched someone else the same way. If it's an emotional straying, still no, because I can never believe the words you say to me anymore, and I won't live with that.

3. Prison Guards

Not literally (though I don't think any prison guard is of a suitable age for me..?), but if I'm trying to let you hang out with who you choose then I expect you to do the same for me. A little bit of jealousy is fine (cute, even), but please don't keep sticking to me, guard my every action and be suspicious of everything. Then again if you act like you don't care whenever I go out with other guys then I'll probably feel like you don't care, so yeah, balance it out a bit? I know, girls are so troublesome.

4. Immature Kids

I really hope I won't be role-playing mum right from the start. A bit of playfulness sometimes is great; I like having kiddy fun too. But I expect you to know when's the right time to be serious. This means you have to know how to take care of yourself and other people when necessary. That is, all the adult-ish things like managing your finances, doing basic household chores (yeahhh you have to help!), being courteous to elders -- basically being the adult you are. Be a man.

If you can't find a good job, I won't abandon you. As long as you have the intention (we Chinese call it the 'heart') to provide the best you can for your family, I'll support you. And if you mind me earning more, I'm sorry you're gonna have to live with it. (Though I don't really expect to earn that much haha)

5. Clamshells

I'm really talkative, so I really need you to be able to talk to me, else I'll be damn bored! I know I'm attracted to quiet, pensive guys (sometimes), but I'll need you to open up to me so we can at least manage some form of communication. Okay how about this. It's alright if you're just naturally quiet, but you have to be okay with me talking, and you cannot find me bothersome, and you'll also try your best to be engaged when someone is speaking (ha ha this isn't any different is it). The most important part is, you can't shrivel away when I "want to talk". Ie., when I have Really Important Stuff to discuss with you, like what's happening to our relationship, some problems within the family etc, you can't just run. I'm someone who really needs communication in the relationship to work things out.

Labels: author: ji inn, lists, love and relationships, themed entries

Madeleine's 5 Dealbreakers

| 12:11 AM

Since I'm not a particularly picky friend, I'm gonna assume this theme is about relationship dealbreakers. I'm sure there are many relationship dealbreakers out there, but these are my top five. Here goes:

1. Dishonesty/ Not open to communication 

How else are we suppose to figure out our issues? If you need some time, let me know that you need to sort things out within yourself, and I'll respect that you need to be left alone for a while. Don't simply close up and sweep the issues under the carpet. Our relationship will never work out if you are consistently unhappy, but refuse to tell me what is annoying you. And if you wait until six months later to unload all your resentment on me, sorry I've had enough and I'm out, because why didn't you want to iron things out at that moment in time?

 2. Not being able to handle finances

I don't want to wonder how we're going to save up for an apartment while he is busy purchasing the newest iPad when he's got every single older model lying around in his room. I don't need to eat at fancy restaurants all the time, I don't need expensive gifts every monthsary, I just need you to show me that you'll pay the bill on time instead of splurging on the 20th new-phone-of-the-year. I guess it also shows the lack of responsibility, or even worse, the lack of a brain.

3. Lacks ambition

I'm a female, I need to feel like my partner is able to provide for the family. So if you cannot see where you wanna go in 5 years time and lack the drive to work hard for a decent lifestyle, then it's hard for me to picture a future together with you. I'm just not the type of girl who's prepared to ride it out without being able to what's ahead of me, and I'd hate for my partner to be this way because it makes me feel so insecure.

4. Being possessive

I'm not sure if it's me being an Aquarius obsessing over my ~space and freedom~, but I think I abhor possessiveness a lot more than the next girl. I absolutely cannot stand it when my guy gets possessive in the slightest way, especially if it's a new relationship that cannot be compared to my friendships that have been forged since almost forever. I understand and even appreciate the occasional jealousy, and I'd try my best to reassure my guy (hang out in groups instead of one-one-one, less physical affection like hugs, etc.), but I expect him to not suffocate me. Once I feel like he's gonna make me choose between him whom I've dated for a while and my buddies whom I've known for most of my life, I'm gonna drop him.

5. Awful sex

That douchebag who never agrees to explore what you wanna try, yet is unwilling to accept a "I'm not ready for that yet" for those you're hesitant about. Or that scumbag who provides zero foreplay, doesn't see a point in kissing you, and won't even bother looking at you. Or even that asswipe who sees only boobs and ass and vagina, and makes you gag. (I'm not even sure if I intended the pun, it just rolled off my tongue fingers.) Basically, no girl deserves to be stuck with a guy who makes every sex feel like bad sex. I guess from here you can tell my view about PMS.

I've been told it's odd that cheating, one of the most common dealbreakers, isn't one of my top five. To be frank, I don't totally believe in faithfulness, I think people just don't (allow themselves to) get tempted enough. I'm not saying I will cheat, or I will expect my partner to cheat; I'm just saying there's always a chance that anyone will experience infidelity. If he still wants me back, I might just take him back, which is why this is not in my top five. It's not the smartest thing to do, but it's something that I will very likely do. Conversely, if my relationship ends, it's not because I was butthurt at being cheated on, but because I don't need a guy whose heart is no longer with me. I just expect honesty over loyalty, y'know? Like if there's a girl coming into the picture, prepare me as soon as you can, and you can be with her without having to cheat on me. Or else it will get messy for her and you and me, when it doesn't have to be that way. You get what I mean? I'm not even sure if I make sense right now, but yea, that's just what I think.

I have rambled far too much now... But there you go, my top five dealbreakers!

Labels: author: madeleine, lists, love and relationships, themed entries, thoughts out loud

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Songs That Always Break My Heart

Tuesday, September 3, 2013 | 8:15 PM

If you chance upon this entry, you will instinctively know that all the songs below are because of you and for you. Because you're the only person who managed to, well, ruin me in the cruelest yet most beautiful way possible.

Wow, this is going to be a rather long entry because there are many songs that are capable of

(a) wrenching my heart     (b) tearing my heart into pieces
(c) making me tear              (d) making me bawl
(e) making me curl in bed the whole afternoon
(f) making me lose mood for life
(g) all of the above

I'll try to keep the list as short as possible.

♥♥♥

Only One - Yellowcard

Made my mistakes, let you down 

And I can't, I can't hold on for too long

I will never forget that night of bickering whether the original or the acoustic version sounds better. Sometimes I naively think that if I had agreed with you, perhaps you would have found it easier to hold on to whatever we had. I know things don't work this way, but what we shared was truly so innocent that that thought wouldn't have been strange at all. It's sad, knowing now that I can never love anyone else the same way I loved you so simply.

♥♥♥

搞笑/ Joke - 羅志祥/ Show Luo

还在搞笑是否拥有麻痹的疗效
唱一夜歌却避不开催泪的曲调
我彻夜胡闹, 希望听到有人会提到你好不好

This really resonates, because sometimes I find myself wondering if you are doing well. Sometimes I hate myself for being on a Facebook hiatus all those years, because why aren't we friends on Facebook so that I'd know how you are doing? But the occasional times when I chance upon a picture of you, I'd smile to myself thinking how happy you looked in the picture. I wish you happiness, always.

♥♥♥

Your Guardian Angel  - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I will never let you fall

I'll stand up with you forever

★ MADELEINE says:
see when the other person falls right
they will laugh leh
D says:
i know lol tsktsk
★ MADELEINE says:
but i know my bestfriend not so bad oneee (:
he will help me up if i fall into the waters :D
D says:
i wont even let you fall =)

Why did you have to go and say that? Because it just kills me now. This conversation will always be etched in my mind and my heart. It was the sweetest thing that I had heard as a 14-year-old, and now it serves as a reminder that not all promises will be fulfilled. Anyway, I took an instant liking to Your Guardian Angel when you introduced it to me, but now I tear up whenever I listen to it. Not being able to sing you this song while you play the guitar will always be a regret; that was another promise unfulfilled.

♥♥♥

我不想忘記你/ I don't want to forget you - 郭靜/ Claire

我不想忘记你. 就算可以,

我宁可记得所有伤心

我想我宁愿一辈子为你伤心难过，守护着你在我心中的地位。这样空虚的心情，有谁能了解？也有谁会猜到，放下你之后的痛，竟然会比失去你的痛更痛。(Sorry for becoming cheena for a moment, there just wasn't a better way to express myself.)

♥♥♥

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

Same reason as the Chinese song above, and when translated in English, yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all. It's been 6 years, and I find myself not minding that I still cry over what we'd lost. I like to remember you every now and then, to sadistically bask myself in every moment that I miss you. And because I can't properly express this in English: 痛是真的, 让我相信那份爱也是真的。

♥♥♥

一直很安靜/ Always been quiet - 阿桑

给你的爱一直很安静, 除了泪在我的脸上任性

原来缘分是用来说明, 你突然不爱我这件事情

I don't understand how, though so many people have walked in and out of my life, you're still the only one that comes to my mind when a song like this comes on. I've loved and lost so many times, but no one else was capable of making me feel as broken as you did. That last line just kills me every single time, I guess because that was your excuse as well.

♥♥♥

The One That Got Away - Katy Perry

Talk about our future like we had a clue

Never planned that one day I'd be losing you

This music video really speaks to me because why did I have to mess it up for us and drive you away? We had so many plans unfulfilled, and I'd always mourn the day right between our birthdays, the special day that we'd go out celebrating together... but we never got to. You were the one and only person I never planned on losing.

♥♥♥

匿名的好友/ Anonymous Good Friend - 楊丞琳/ Rainie Yang

不能握的手 从此匿名的朋友 
其实我的执著 依然执著 
却决心和你不再联络 
不能握的手 却比爱人更长久 
当所有如果都没有如果 
只有失去的拥有 最永久 

There cannot be a better song to describe all these feelings I have towards you. Every single line in this song drives a knife right through my heart because it feels like a song written for me. You will always be the closest stranger I never knew.

♥♥♥

Autumns Monologue - From Autumn To Ashes

Oh why can't I be what you need

A new improved version of me

Now you see me, now you don't
Now you need me, now you don't

Kill me already, hahahaha. This song just reduces me to a crying mess every time. It forces me to revisit every single memory and feeling I ever experienced with you, and I love it yet hate it at the same time. What makes this song even more amazing (and heartbreaking) is The Fiction We Live, which is kinda the guy's response of this song (it's included in this video, and start at 4:28). The title makes me think that everything was simply fiction, which is just so heart-wrenching.

♥♥♥

我真的受伤了/ I'm Truly Hurt - 王菀之/ Ivana Wong

怎么你声音变得冷淡了/ 是你变了 是你变了

灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了/ 滴下的眼泪已停不住了

The perfect song to cry to when you feel that special someone drifting further than your heart can take. It's that feeling when you see the person so dear to you slipping away, but you don't really wanna face it cause you think you're just being paranoid. I'm sorry I didn't know how to express my concerns in a better way, but how do I show you how much I miss you when you're right in front of me?

♥♥♥

Sorry - Buckcherry

This time I think, I'm to blame

It's harder to get through the days

You get older and blame turns to shame

This song just makes me wanna beat myself up. Because it is true that over many years of reflection, all the hurt and anger evolves to become shame and self-blame. There are so many things I wanna apologise for and say to you, but I don't have the... right to be in touch with you... ever. It tears me apart.

♥♥♥

I'm guessing 11 songs is a little too many already, oops! But there are just so many songs that are so sad... Of course there are other songs, like Taylor Swift's Tim Mcgraw ("I hope you think of me") and Back To December (it's kinda funny cause December is somehow always rough), Adele's Someone Like You (does anyone not relate to it?), Lesley Roy's Unbeautiful (really makes you question when you became unbeautiful), Mayday Parade's Miserable At Best (everything about this song is just </3), and so many more. Just gonna emooooxzxzxzz myself to sleep now ha.

:'(,

Labels: author: madeleine, friends and friendships, love and relationships, music and songs, sadness, themed entries

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Love Languages - Madeleine's

Tuesday, August 27, 2013 | 10:28 AM

This week's themed entries are kinda RE: Ji Inn's previous post On Appreciation, because I was inspired by a particular line.

If you really want to do something nice for someone, think about what that person places high value on, not what you place high value on.

It really reminded me of Gary Chapman's love languages, and you'll see why in this excerpt taken from wikipedia (because obviously wiki is the best website to cite...)

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1995 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls "love languages": gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. [...] He also writes that people should not use the love languages that they like the most but rather the love languages that their loved ones can receive.

I think it's extremely important to know your loved one's love languages, so that you can make them feel adored in their own way. I remember saying something really nice to my boyfriend for the first time, and not being able to understand how he could feel soooo loved by a mere compliment.

Until I realised words of affirmation are  not as important to me as it is to him.

Here's what I'm reading from my scores:

1. I don't give a shit about receiving gifts. At all, apparently. (I just prefer receiving practical stuff that I want/ need vs ~random cute gift things~)
2. I'm totally for touching and being touched. ;)
3. I'm totally for spending time together touching and being touched. ;) ;)

I'm kinda surprised that Acts of Service didn't get ranked higher. (I guess the scores went somewhere else...) Because I do feel exceptionally loved when a person goes out of their way to do something nice for me. Like when a housemate helps me to get rid of the spider in my room, or when friends pass me medicine when I'm not feeling well, or when the boyfriend accompanies me to the doctor. I'm just little ol' nondescript Maddie, why do I deserve all these nice things you people are doing for me?

A Gero mate lending me his knee guard when he found out I had sprained my knee. So  overwhelmed in that instance that I switched to wearing his knee guard even though I  have my own. Not forgetting to instagram it and showing how loved I am, of course.

Yesterday, I was just hanging out with a friend and I realised it was the second time that he was going through his pictures and pointing out random things like his family and pets and hilarious shots. So I just blurted out, "Why are you showing me all these?" He replied, so smoothly, something along the lines of showing me that he treasures this friendship. I just thought that was a really interesting and unique way to display affection, but I'm not exactly sure which category it falls under.

Lastly, as a reminder: If I'm molesting you, I love you okay. I can't help it, I'm so sorry.

Have a good day,

Labels: author: madeleine, friends and friendships, love and relationships, themed entries

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