1. Non-Christian

I think the main reason for this is that I've liked non-Christian guys before and it causes a lot personal struggle. If loving God is the closest thing to my heart, I would want us to be able to worship and fellowship together, and to help each other grow in faith. In hard times as well, faith becomes a bonding rather than a dividing factor.

2. Not kind to people

When I first posted on dealbreakers in my lj, this came up as one of the really important things to me. I think it's important that he's kind not just to me, but as a person. I can't imagine everytime I want to reach out to help someone, and the one I love is the one holding back instead of stepping up before me or giving me courage to do so when I lack it. Being kind to people is something so basic, I don't think we'll even be standing on the same side of the page if he weren't kind.

3.  Controlling

I value my freedom a lot so I hate it when people are controlling over me or others, it just shows a want of respect for another person's individuality and freedom to live their lives the way they want to. Even if it's trying to do what's best or show concern for me, I dislike it because I think I'm capable of making my own decisions and you have to respect that. Unless you're family, trying to control my life just gets on my nerves. I listen to people when they raise genuine concerns, and I expect that they trust me to listen and make the right decision in the end. That's what friends and family do for each other right?

4. Unable to accept my family

I know we're the ones in the relationship, but my family's important to me. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to choose between my boyfriend and my family, or where my boyfriend is critical of my family. It's a dealbreaker if you can't accept my family and can't understand how much I want to love them. Also, I think it predicts how our own future will go, in terms of how much he can accept the rest of the family (me and the children) when we're imperfect or difficult.

5.  Unable to communicate honestly with me

Like Maddie, I value open and honest communication. It's fine if we have issues to sort out, but if we can't talk about them they'll probably stay issues. If a guy can't be honest with me, I feel that it shows a lack of comfort and trust between us, and we probably wouldn't even be in a relationship.

Labels: author: stella, lists, love and relationships, themed entries