The pretext of all these is that I'm interested in you/we're interested in each other. Otherwise there's nothing to talk about, yes?

1. Smokers and/or drug-abusers and/or heavy drinkers and/or physical/emotional abusers

Smoking's just really bad for you and me and everyone else. I don't want to have to breathe in all the secondhand smoke when we're together. Also, think about the kids! I don't think smoking's cool, anyway. Social smokers... not so bad but still preferably not (and my parents would never allow it).

Drug-abusers are an obvious no-no.

Drinkers - a little bit, social drinking is fine. But if you're the kind that starts doing weird stuff and spouting nonsense when you're drunk, and you're easily drunk, then you still keep getting drunk, then no.

And obviously I don't want to be abused, physically or emotionally or otherwise. Playful (SOFT) punches and the like are fine, of course. But don't pinch me. Will get bruises.

2. Liars (and by association, Cheaters)

Tiny little white lies to protect me are fine, but "i'm just going out for a drink with some buddies" when in fact you're hanging out with another girl alone, nope. I hope I'm not being too possessive or what over here, but if you're going out with someone else and you find it necessary to lie to me, that must mean there's something going on, right? I appreciate honesty. And I'll try not to restrict who you hang out with too much.

Cheaters - pretty much obvious. I'll never be able to stand you touching me again if I know you've touched someone else the same way. If it's an emotional straying, still no, because I can never believe the words you say to me anymore, and I won't live with that.

3. Prison Guards

Not literally (though I don't think any prison guard is of a suitable age for me..?), but if I'm trying to let you hang out with who you choose then I expect you to do the same for me. A little bit of jealousy is fine (cute, even), but please don't keep sticking to me, guard my every action and be suspicious of everything. Then again if you act like you don't care whenever I go out with other guys then I'll probably feel like you don't care, so yeah, balance it out a bit? I know, girls are so troublesome.

4. Immature Kids

I really hope I won't be role-playing mum right from the start. A bit of playfulness sometimes is great; I like having kiddy fun too. But I expect you to know when's the right time to be serious. This means you have to know how to take care of yourself and other people when necessary. That is, all the adult-ish things like managing your finances, doing basic household chores (yeahhh you have to help!), being courteous to elders -- basically being the adult you are. Be a man.

If you can't find a good job, I won't abandon you. As long as you have the intention (we Chinese call it the 'heart') to provide the best you can for your family, I'll support you. And if you mind me earning more, I'm sorry you're gonna have to live with it. (Though I don't really expect to earn that much haha)

5. Clamshells

I'm really talkative, so I really need you to be able to talk to me, else I'll be damn bored! I know I'm attracted to quiet, pensive guys (sometimes), but I'll need you to open up to me so we can at least manage some form of communication. Okay how about this. It's alright if you're just naturally quiet, but you have to be okay with me talking, and you cannot find me bothersome, and you'll also try your best to be engaged when someone is speaking (ha ha this isn't any different is it). The most important part is, you can't shrivel away when I "want to talk". Ie., when I have Really Important Stuff to discuss with you, like what's happening to our relationship, some problems within the family etc, you can't just run. I'm someone who really needs communication in the relationship to work things out.

I think I somehow managed to add in a lot more than 5 dealbreakers in there, yes? I guess if you're any of these people I won't really strike you out straightaway; as long as you're aware of the problem and put in a lot of effort to change, I can accept it (except maybe if you're a liar/cheater. I'll find it hard to trust you again after you've broken my trust). If you think "it's part of my personality" and "you shouldn't ask me to change", then okay bye! I mean, some personality traits are alright, but we have to draw the line somewhere. And I'll also try my best to be a good girlfriend/wife, so that's fair right? That's the point of communication, to discuss how to better love the other person.

Okay this is a lot, I know, and perfect guys don't exist, I know. But there are so many other things I haven't covered eg. flirt (excessively?) with other girls, bad sex, don't want children, different values --

I think I'd better stop here, else I'll never find a boyfriend.


Still idealistic,
ps: If you happen to be perfect, ...let's be friends ;)

Labels: author: ji inn, lists, love and relationships, themed entries